


Stupid

by shortlikemarvin (FunTimesAtTheDisco)



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, Marvin (Falsettos) Being an Asshole, Marvin Not Being an Asshole (Falsettos)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28839198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunTimesAtTheDisco/pseuds/shortlikemarvin
Summary: Some of Marvin’s internal feelings a few weeks after Whizzer and he broke up.
Relationships: Jason & Marvin (Falsettos), Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Stupid

4th of May, Thursday:  
“If I loved you, your entire world would become complete. If I loved you, maybe I could be happy again. But I guess I’m too scared to admit. Loving you was never going to fit either of us. So I loved you. And I miss you.” 

Marvin closed his ‘dairy’ and put it on the pile of books that always remained on his desk. He hadn’t read any of them. It was more of a decor choice- one filled with guilt and desire. He really did want to read those books... he sighed and shook his head. He’d never get through them. He shouldn’t even bother starting now. It would only cause more guilt of not finishing something. 

He got up, stretched his back and glanced around him. His empty apartment. His sad, little, empty apartment. He was yet to decorate it to fit his personality, but he kept from doing that. He feared it would turn out sadder than it already was. 

Marvin dragged himself to the kitchen and put a kettle on the stove to make himself some tea. He hated tea. He only drank it out of sentiment. He huffed at that thought. Whizzer wasn’t a sentimental subject. Whizzer was an asshole. If there was any sentiment to be felt, it should be regret- on Whizzer’s side, that was. Marvin didn’t regret anything concerning Whizzer. Except, maybe, that it lasted so damn short. 

Marvin laughed at that thought. No. It was best that they split up. They had nothing to offer each other after all. Only insults and treachery and useless conversations that got them nowhere, because Whizzer never wanted to listen. Whizzer. No. 

Marvin turned off the stove. He didn’t need tea. He didn’t need these stupid ideas of ‘what ifs’ and different routes life could have gone. It went how it went. It ended there. It really was so simple.

He hated the idea of keeping a diary. It felt so useless to him, too void of reason other than putting every day thoughts down on paper. But his new therapist told him to keep one, so he did. After everything that happened with Trina, and more importantly, Jason, well, he wanted to do better. 

He stood in the kitchen for a while, unsure of what to do. Marvin still didn’t know how to cook all that well and pasta was getting boring. However, he doubted he’d have the energy to cook an entire meal for just his sad self. It was pathetic, wasn’t it? Eating all alone? God, he needed to find someone to hold again. This was getting ridiculous. 

Maybe he could visit the lesbians. They always seemed to know how to cheer him up. He considered it for a second, before shaking his head. No. They’d see right through his fakery. Better not show his weaknesses to his new friends quite yet. 

Instead of cooking, he settled for ordering in. Again. He definitely had more money to spent ever since Whizzer left him. That was a positive, right? 

He turned on the television as he waited for his food. Some show about dating came on. He watched it for a hot minute until his food came. Then he quickly turned it off. Didn’t have people more important things to do than sit around waiting for some non-existent prince to come down and sweep them off their feet? There were no great men. Only men that broke you down, found your weak spots and used you from there. Only those men lived in this world. And Marvin had had enough of them. 

He ate in silence. He showered in silence. He brushed his teeth in silence. He went to bed in silence. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering if he would feel someone’s warmth against him soon. He wondered if that someone’s warmth could compare to Whizzer’s touch. He doubted it. 

6th of May, Saturday:   
“Yesterday I thought about how I would feel if I had a different life- different parents, different education, a different job- I wondered if I would feel happier. I wonder if I could be happy anyway. It’s all so stupid. It doesn’t matter either way. Life goes on.”

“What are you working on?” Jason had sneaked behind him.

Marvin quickly closed his diary and turned to his son. He smiled hesitantly. “An assignment for work. Sorry, kiddo. I had to finish up some stuff over the weekend.” 

Jason shrugged. “That’s okay. I have to make homework anyway.” He sat down at the table and opened his study books. He seemed to make it with ease. Marvin couldn’t imagine going to work so effortlessly. God, he was proud of his son. 

He got up and went to the kitchen to start on dinner. He tried a recipe every day Jason was with him- Marvin might not care what went into his own body, but Jason had to grow up strong and healthy. So he put effort in, of course. Jason mattered. He was about the only thing that mattered anymore. 

He grabbed a courgette and started cutting it in thin slices. Whizzer always cut those things perfectly. Always in the same thickness. He was a master at creating five-star meals right in their shitty kitchen. And with such elegant ease. That was, if Whizzer felt like cooking. 

Marvin frowned. Had he pushed too far, perhaps? Marvin could see how cooking could suck after doing it a few times. If he was tired, he didn’t feel up to it at all. Whizzer was tired a lot, dealing with difficult clients, with stress, and God knows what else. Could it be that Marvin had wanted too much? 

“Dad?” 

Marvin’s head snapped up. He smiled a little. 

“You okay?” 

Marvin laughed softly. “Of course.” 

Jason hesitated. He seemed uncomfortable. “It’s just that you were kind of frozen. For a while, actually. What were you thinking about?” 

“No one,” he nodded, still smiling. 

“So someone.” 

Marvin gave a look. 

“You can call him, you know. Maybe he misses you too. He always talked fondly of you.” 

Marvin’s smile faded. “No, Jace. He didn’t.” 

“Yes, he did!” 

“Jace.”

Jason crossed his arms. “You’re stupid.” 

Marvin scowled. “Go to your room. I’ll call you when dinner is ready.” 

Jason huffed, but gathered his homework and went upstairs. 

Once Jason was out of sight, Marvin leaned on the table, his arms crossed. He frowned. Maybe... Just maybe he really was stupid.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed. I also hope you are all doing well and are taking good care of yourselves. Don’t forget just how important a little self care is. Even if it’s managing to get out of bed, it’s amazing. I am proud of you. Have a good day.


End file.
